Now that the vast majority of us have awoken from our tryptophan-induced comas (I'm vegan, so I indulged in Tofu-rkey, which isn't as good as it looked on the box -- fortunately, I had soy "sausages" to back it up), I thought I'd kick the holiday season off with my top ten list of not-so-traditional holiday songs.

Oh, I'm sure we'd all love to listen to nothing but Bing Crosby singing "White Christmas" in his caramel-apple voice to remind us of all the wonderful things about this season -- providing, that is, there's anything left to feel wonderful about -- but if you, like me, have even the slightest smidgen of a twisted sense of humor -- and if you, like me, are more than slightly realist -- you see the holidays for what they are, in all their ridiculousness (face it -- the whole concept of "the holidays" has become little more than a bad excuse for gluttony, and capitalism, at its finest), and you want your iPod playlist to match your strange sensibilities.

Anyway...here's the list of top ten not-so-traditional holiday songs:

10. Lou Monte - Dominic the Donkey.

It plays into the oldest Sicilian stereotype in existence (mainland Italians don't ride donkeys, Sicilians do; though it's interesting that Monte refers to Dominic as the ciuchiarelle, when the Sicilian word for donkey is checco), and Lou Monte has the worst Nu Yawk accent this side of Fran Drescher. That said, this song is pretty cute, and the image of Santa carrying presents on a donkey's back presents interesting studies in gravity and logistics.

9. Larry the Cable Guy - Farting Bells

Speaking of stereotypes, Larry the Cable Guy gives the world the impression that all Southerners are inbred, teeth-picking, tobacco-chewing buffoons who fly the Confederate flag and give Chinet as a wedding present. And that's just not true...only half of the South is like that. Seriously, though you may question whether Larry the Cable Guy or his brand of humor is anything resembling funny, let's face it, folks...farts are funny. And Larry's mid-song commentary is just priceless.

8. Sufjan Stevens - That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!

Also known as "Every Single Christmas I Spend With My Family." Sufjan Stevens has a lilting, kind voice that seems to make love to you with every note he sings, so you don't really notice what exactly he's trying to convey in this oh-so-sweet song until you sit up and pay attention to the lyrics. Yikes. This is also, quite possibly, the only song to make the banjo sound cool. A note to the emo kids: I actually said something nice about you. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Non Traditional Holiday Songs # 5-7

In 2006, Bernadette's photography caught the eye of SPLASH NEWS AND PICTURE AGENCY, after her work was selected for an OFFICAL NEW YORK FASHION WEEK photography exhibit (sponsored by BLACK BOOK). Thanks to Splash News, Bernadette's work has appeared in a variety of internationally recognized and respected publications, including THE LOS ANGELES TIMES, VANIDADES, THE INDEPENDENT (Ireland), THE DAILY MAIL, the UK's most popular, widely read newspaper.

In 2007, she garnered further industry respect and attention when she,with VATIC MEDIA president MELISSA DESKOVIC, wrote SWIMMING WITH SHARKS: A REAL-WORLD HOW-TO GUIDE TO SUCCESS (AND FAILURE) IN THE BUSINESS OF MUSIC. The book was featured on MSN.com, gained endorsements from HOT PICKS, KARMA MICS, and HALO GUITARS and was even signed to a record deal (with legendary punk label CONQUER THE WORLD RECORDS). It became a best-seller on ITUNES, and was sold out within a matter of minutes in FYE stores throughout the country.

In 2008, Bernadette joined Pop Culture Madness.
She lives in New York City and is the CEO of AKASHA MULTIMEDIA.