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 The
Why of Charlie Sheen
By Gail-Elaine
Tinker, M.S.
In my previous feature article,
I suggested Charlie Sheen was a hopeless Narcissist and an
Addict on a downward trajectory. Furthermore, I stated that
he was perhaps nearly impossible to help by conventional psychological
or treatment means. I also wondered aloud why we were giving
him so much attention. The feedback I received from people
who agreed that Charlie was "mad as a hatter" and
"needed to get off my TV," and "should not
be rewarded for bad behavior" was resounding. However,
Charlie News is still on every daily newscast. One station
has been playing a game, reading quotes to people on the street
and asking if the words were the rantings of Sheen or Kaddafi.
So, let's take a moment to examine the role of the media in
the downfall of Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen exists due to the media; otherwise we'd be discussing
Carlos Estevez, by his birth name. This high school drop-out,
who was in constant battles with his father and older brother,
got a girl pregnant at age 17, and went into the family business,
acting, and landed some plum roles, with the right directors
and co-stars and became a media darling. From the start he
lived a playboy life of sex, drugs, guns, and porn. I have
no need to rehash it; simply Wiki Sheen and the details are
there. No ex-wife or producer can say they did not know. The
media knew and sensationalized this rebel without a cause
and everyone made money. The only innocents are his children.
And still the cameras roll from the meteoric rise, the numerous
rehab entrances, the many court appearances, the loss of custody,
and now the bizarre webcasts, and celebrity polls, "Is
Charlie making this up?" Makes me wonder if something
dire should happen to Sheen, will they film the memorial services
of hysterically crying fans and ask, "What could we have
done to stop this tragedy?"
I do think the media has had a role in the making of Charlie
Sheen. Paying a known addict over a million dollars per episode
and stop/starting production around this actor's criminal
behavior for years is like handing out guns and knives in
the psych ward and wondering why there is bloodshed. Paying
a deteriorating addict 10k per to Tweet about being fired
is like serving steak and shrimp on silver trays down at the
detention center, anything wrong with that?
As a practicing psychotherapist, people do ask me if I can
tell what exactly is 'wrong' with Charlie Sheen. People have
actually remarked to me, if they had his money and fame they
wouldn't have a problem in the world. So, let me take an opportunity
to explain some things. First is, therapists generally don't
go around analyzing people without their permission. Secondly,
despite all of our fantasies to the contrary, wealth and fame
are not automatic tickets to happiness. Truth be told, whatever
problems, insecurities, worries, hang-ups we had when we were
poor and unknown, they will follow us. Usually fame, power,
and drugs will enhance and magnify any little freaky tic you
have not worked out in your life, so unless you are completely
evolved as a person, I suggest avoiding those three tricky
items.
As for what precisely is going on in the mind of Mr. Sheen,
I have my educated guesses, but it takes a great deal more
than some written biographies, television interviews, and
sound bites to get a fix on a person's state of mind. Psychological
evaluation is an interactive practice and while it does not
require trust and cooperation, it can be helpful. Charlie
has admitted to use of some very potent chemicals all of which
could impact behavior to the extent of which we have seen.
He now claims to be free of those very substances - miraculously
cured.
Recently, I have heard some people in the news refer to Charlie's
behavior as "manic." This is the case of a layperson
using a psychological term in a way which may or may not be
accurate. What they mean by manic is the state of abnormally
elevated or irritable mood, or energy levels which can be
associated with substance abuse or a mood disorder like Bi-Polar
Disorder. In my analysis, I referred to Charlie as Narcissistic,
which also can have grandiosity which can appear very broad
and near manic, especially when chemical substances are in
the mix. Still, who is to make the final say -Charlie's doctors,
not anyone on the sidelines.
So back to those who say, it does not matter what is wrong
with Charlie, 'crazy is crazy.' I understand the spirit of
the sentiment. When someone is behaving so far out from the
norm, the average working Joe or Jane may say, "Whew,
just get help!" But that is sort of the point; Charlie
doesn't see a thing wrong with himself. He thinks he's fine
and dandy and that his former employers have the problem,
and the ex-wives have the problem, and so on. All the people
who say he have a problem are wrong and Charlie, his Goddesses,
his Publicist, his Hangers-on, and his 2million Twitter followers
are right.
So, shall we have a civil war based on who believes Sheen
is right or wrong? Why not, Libya doing that with their delusional
headliner? All those who think Sheen is nuts come East, all
those who want to emulate his insanity go West. You see, Sheen
isn't just wrecking his own life. He just took down the village
which ran the sitcom. All the families for all the workers
attached were impacted by his capricious addiction, not to
mention the 3 families which he supports. The children and
ex-wives now have paparazzi stalking them.
Charlie is not the only one who has Narcissism and Addiction,
both, one or the other can take down a family and leave deep
scars. As I describe in my blog Web of Narcissism
11/28/10, living with a narcissist is fraught with isolation,
confusion, and degradation. Whether male or female, their
self-absorption, lack of empathy, and grandiosity, can add
up to abuse. At first and on the outside they are charming
and the pillar of the community, but at home and in private,
they rob self-esteem from everyone to feed themselves and
further their own needs. Add addiction to the dynamic and
everyone loses.
Narcissists have no desire to seek psychological assistance.
They have a poor view of therapy, feeling they can outsmart
any therapist. Even if forced by court order to attend therapy,
they will not submit to it but find ways to manipulate.
So, few Narcissists recover, they just burn out, transition
from situation to situation, and/or become older and meaner.
Occasionally they find structure like religion, the armed
forces, or a productive life cause in which to channel their
energies for good, but the change isn't fundamental.
There is a common mantra in therapeutic circles, "You
can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself."
This is most true in the case of dealing with Narcissists.
If you care for someone like this you can alter your responses,
you can draw new boundaries, you can make a new stand, you
can remove yourself from situations, and you might have some
impact -but it will always be about 'them.' The point will
be about making it be about you. I suggest you find a good
therapist to support you while dealing with this enterprise
because the Narcissist will make it difficult.
The world has been made a beautiful place due to people who
found their true worth once they were freed from the clutches
of a Narcissist parent, lover, spouse, or employer. I enjoy
reporting those stories so very much and assisting such clients
upon these journeys. Charlie Sheen will pass from our interest
until he becomes a footnote from March 2011, but these people,
the smaller named folk who do incredible things are stories
yet to come.
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