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December
18th Celebrity Birthdays
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 Katie
Holmes (1978)
Christina Aguilera (1980)
Brad Pitt (1963)
Elliot Easton (1953)
Trish Stratus (1975)
DMX 'Earl Simmons' (1970)
Keith Richards (1943)
Betty Grable (1916)
Ray Liotta (1955)
Steven Spielberg (1946)
Ossie Davis (1917) |
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December
18th's List Of Things You Don't Want To Hear
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8. A letter to north pole
comes back stamped, "Dream on, kid!"
7. Kid asks for new bike, gets a stationary bike
6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping
and handling.
5. By the time he gets to your house, all Santa has left is
foam packing.
4. Christmas day, your child wakes up with a Reindeer head
in his bed.
3. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa
has him on the "Stupid" list
2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from
Craptown."
1. Whispered in your child's ear: "Off my lap, Tubby!" |
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December
18th's Safety Tip - Frive Safely!
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This man at the side of the road was fixing his flat tire....
A police car stops behind his and the officer strolls to
him to offer help. The man says he's doing OK and doesn't
need help.
The officer takes a walk around the car to make sure everything
is OK. He spots a large knife with a fancy handle on the
passenger seat. When he enquires about the knife, the man
says it's his and he uses it as a juggler at the local circus.
The officer then asks him to demonstrate his act to be
sure the man is telling the truth, and the man goes through
his routine.
Meanwhile a car with two recovering alcoholics drives by.
The driver says to his passenger, "Man ... I am glad
I stopped drinking when I did. It's amazing what they make
them do these days at those roadside sobriety checks."
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December
18th's Jokes
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 What
reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet.
If you're afraid of Santa Claus, what condition
do you have?
Claustrophobia
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle!
Every year, Johnny asked for a rabbit for Christmas and
was disappointed when he never got one. Finally, he surprised
his mother and asked for a magic wand and magician’s hat.
When asked why the change, Johnny replied, “So I can pull
a rabbit out of the hat.”
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