► Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

► The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

► I thought the window was down, but I found out it was up, when I put my head through it.

► I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

► A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

► A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

► The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

► I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

► In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

► I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

Tales From The Turkey Help Line
► A Thanksgiving Dinner on the run... A woman called Butterball Turkey's 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey.

To answer the question, the Talk-Line assistant asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside!"

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.