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November 22nd Trivia,
Celebrity Birthdays and Jokes
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| Celebrities
Born Today: |
Scarlett
Johansson (1984)
Charles de Gaulle (1890)
Terry Gilliam (1940)
Rodney Dangerfield (1921)
Geraldine Page (1924)
Steven Van Zandt (1950)
Billie Jean King (1943) |
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| Street
Signs/Business Signs |
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► On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your
shorts."
► In a fire department waiting area: "If we see
you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action."
► On maternity ward door: "Push, Push, Push."
► On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is
a vegetarian except the dog."
► At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see
what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
► On a scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
► In a taxidermist's window: "We really know our
stuff."
► In a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
► In another butcher's window: "Pleased to meat
you."
► At a used car lot: "Second-hand cars in first
crash condition."
► On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
► At a car dealership: "The best way to get back
on your feet: Miss a car payment."
► Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary.
We'll hear you coming."
► Outside a Hotel: "Help Wanted. We need inn-experienced
people."
► At a dry cleaner's shop: "Drop your pants here
for fast attention."
► On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every
third salesman, and the second one just left."
► In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in
5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
► On a music teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
► On the door of a computer store: "Out for a quick
byte."
► In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and
be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
► Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We
need to hear a pin drop."
► On the door of a music library: "Bach in a minuet."
► In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully.
We can wait."
► In a counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory.
Growing wise is optional."
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Top
Ten Signs You've Eaten Too Much On Thanksgiving
(Thanks, David Letterman): |
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10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around
you.
9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man
17 feet tall.
8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift
in the earth's axis.
7. Right this minute you're laughing up pie on the carpet.
6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.
5. World's fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you
to "back off!"
4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.
3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.
2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.
1. You're sweatin' gravy.
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| Today's
Celebrity Quote: |
Faced with crisis, the man of character falls back on himself.
He imposes his own stamp of action, takes responsibility for
it, makes it his own.
-Charles de Gaulle |
| Food
For Thought: |
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Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. |
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