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Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes
around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers
of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with
a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and
he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like
a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene
had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation
in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead
of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after
a sneeze.
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