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When Do We Eat? is the story of the "world's
fastest Passover seder" gone horribly awry. It's about an
old school dad (Michael Lerner) who's as tough on his sons as
his father (Jack Klugman) is on him. On this night, however, one
of the boys (Ben Feldman) slips Dad a dose of special, hallucinogenic
Ecstasy in order "to give him a new perspective." Meanwhile,
Mom (Lesley Ann Warren) brings a handsome stranger to dinner and
the kids take sides. By the end of the night, however, Dad's visions
turn him into a modern day Moses intent on leading this hungry
group to the promised land of family forgiveness. Of course they're
all so stubborn, it would be easier to part the Red Sea. Beneath the bleachers at school, stoner ZEKE (17) buys a little something to help him get through tonight's Passover dinner: a combination of LSD and Ecstasy called "touch-God X." Zeke needs it because the last time his family gathered for Passover, their Seder dinner was a dysfunctional disaster. As people arrive at the house, Zeke's tough-love dad, IRA (Michael Lerner), snipes at perfectionist mom, PEGGY (Lesley Ann Warren) for erecting a biblical-style tent in the back yard, complete with lamb on spit, just so the Seder would be kosher enough for their newly religious son ETHAN (Max Greenfield), who now wears the black hat and beard of a Hassidic Jew. Ira wants Ethan to work in the family business, and he considers his offer magnanimous because three years ago Ethan was a swaggering dot-commer who told Ira where he could stick his "dinosaur advice." Ira expects Ethan to accept the offer this time because the dot-commer is now a dot-bust. Hasidic Ethan, however, holds himself up to a new moral standard, and sultry second cousin VANESSA (Mili Avital) is shocked that the formerly doggish Ethan no longer cares for her charms. Meanwhile Peggy gets back at Ira for his sniping by inviting macho Israeli tent-maker RAFI (Mark Ivanir) to stay for dinner. Ira tells Rafi to leave but the man stays, and grandfather ARTUR (Jack Klugman), shakes his head in disgust at Ira's weakness. Ira then makes the job offer to Ethan only to have his religious son refuse smugly: "Dad, you make Christmas ornaments." Ira calls him a hypocrite and everyone argues until 2nd child NIKKI (Shiri Appleby), a professional sex surrogate, points out that youngest child LIONEL (Adam Lamberg) is getting upset. Lionel is autistic, and when the family argues too much, he has episodes that everyone wishes to avoid, so Peggy hustles them into the tent. And the tent is spectacular: brocaded, color-drenched fabrics line the walls and mid-eastern lamps provide the glow of sacred space. Frustrated with Ethan and embarrassed by tent-maker Rafi, Ira shouts at stoner/screw-up Zeke. In a burst of inspiration, however, Zeke gets his revenge by slipping the X into Ira's drink. Meanwhile, Nikki announces Ira is backing her in a new business: cybersex-devices for the homebound. Peggy freaks, "It's bad enough she's a prostitute, now you're her pimp!" and Nikki freaks right back, "Like you're so perfect, Mom, dragging your big gigolo around in front of your husband!" The ensuing melee culminates in Ira swinging the Seder plate, "the holiest object in the Jewish home," at Rafi, who blocks it with Israeli commando training. Rafi looks like he's about to kill Ira, and Lionel starts to have an episode, when Zeke silences everyone by revealing that he dosed Ira with some "really good stuff - it should give him a new perspective?" Ira's daughter from a previous marriage, JENNIFER (Meredith Scott Lynn) enjoys watching Peggy's Seder get wrecked, while her African-American partner, GRACE (Cynda Williams), a nurse, tries to tend to Ira. Ira, however, is red with rage. He grabs a handful of sacramental, tongue-burning horseradish and stuffs it down Zeke's throat. Lionel finally episodes, and Nikki drags him out of the tent while Vanessa, a celebrity publicist, assures Ira she knows how to handle a drug overdose. "What?! I overdosed?!" Meanwhile, Nikki confides her insecurities to Lionel (because he can't understand anyway), Artur helps Zeke soothe his throat, and Rafi tells Peggy, "It's a big family Seder - it's normal." To top it all off, sexy Vanessa seduces Hassidic Ethan in Dad's study. Peggy calls everyone back to the table. When the X kicks in, Ira's personality changes dramatically and he becomes a modern-day Moses intent on guiding his family toward emotional healing. Healing, however, requires truths to come out and the dysfunction only escalates, until sour stepsister Jennifer reveals that Ethan and Vanessa just had sex in the house. Everyone's jaw drops and the Seder stops dead. Finally, Jennifer's girlfriend, Grace, drawing on her gospel upbringing, takes over and injects some genuine spirituality into the Seder. After all she's done for Ethan, however, Peggy is completely fed up and ready to leave with Rafi. No one can say anything to make her stay until autistic Lionel pipes up and stammers through a shocking statement. It's enough to turn Ira into his old self - a ballistic explosion. No one knows what to do next, but rain leaks through the tent
roof and forces them to pack up the elaborate dinner party. The
Seder reconvenes in the dining room. People are overwhelmed by
the night's events, yet life must go on. And the grudges are still
there. Ira finds his Moses self one more time and leads his family
toward transformation. They don't fix everything, but their growth
is clear and you can't help but love these people as they raise
their voices together in a Passover song that is at once catchy
and deeply stirring. And then Zeke breaks away from the singing
to answer the door where one final surprise awaits….
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