1st Chorus: volume gradually grows
over raindrop background
2nd Chorus: full volume with beat
right after "thunder" noise

Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager,
and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn,
you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem
at the post office or somethin

Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways;
TRUCK it, what's been up?
Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too,
I'm bout to be a father
If I have a daughter,
guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie

I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself
over some GIRL who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday,
but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground STUFF
that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters
and your pictures man
I like theSTUFF you did with Rawkus too,
that STUFF was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man,

hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

[CHORUS]

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote,
I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad -
I just think it's MESSED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
you didn't have to,
but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man,
he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
four hours and you just said, "No."

That's pretty CRAPPY man - you're like his FREAKING idol
He wants to be just like you man,
he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though,
I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver -
you said if I'd write you

you would write back
see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
so when I have a CRAPPY day,
I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got CRAP else
so tha tCRAP helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name
across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself
to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline,
the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real,
and I respect you cause you tell it

My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim,
no one does
She don't know what it was like
for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man,
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan -- P.S.
We should be together too

[CHORUS]

Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans,
this'll be the last package
I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word -
I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you
I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now
I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka
you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins,
"In the Air of the Night"
about that guy who coulda
saved that other guy from drowning
but didn't, then Phil saw it all
then at a a show he found him?

That's kinda how this is,
you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late -
I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted
was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped
ALL of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together,
think about it
You ruined it now,
I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream
I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience
eats at you
and you can't breathe without me

See Slim...
Shut up GIRL! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim,
that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
but I didn't slit her throat,
I just tied her up,
see I ain't like you
cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more,
and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh CRAP, I forgot,
how'm I supposed to send this CRAP out?

(car tires squeal)
(crash)
( silence)
(splash)

Dear Stan,
I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now,
how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you
would call your daughter that
and here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show,
I musta missed you

Don't think I did that CRAP intentionally
just to diss you
But what's thisCRAP you said about you
like to cut your wrists too?
I say that CRAP just clownin dogg,
c'mon - how MESSED UP is you?
You got some issues Stan,
I think you need some counseling
to help your BUTT from
bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this CRAP about us
meant to be together?
That type of CRAP'll make me not
want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend
need each other
or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter,
I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt yourself,
I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little,
I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
why are you so mad?
Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy CRAP
I seen this one CRAP on the news a couple weeks ago
that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
and had his girlfriend in the trunk,
and she was pregnant with his kid
and in the car they found a tape,
but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about,
his name was..

it was you

Damn!