A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse  in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front  of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks,  joking around with his customers. 
"Want to buy some meat?"

"Woof!" barks the dog.

"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--"

"Woof!" interrupts the dog.

"And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo--"

"Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the  meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.

As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow.  The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third  floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that,  the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting  at the dog.

"Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing?  That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!"

"Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time  this week he's forgotten his keys!"

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Lord I hope I'm sick!"
After about the 5th or 6th time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick Mr. Adams?"
The man replied, "I'd hate to be well & feel like this."