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April 15th Trivia, Celebrity Birthdays and Jokes
 
Celebrities Born Today:
Seth Rogen (1982)
Samantha Fox (1966)
Michael Kamen (1948)
Emma Thompson (1959)
Wallace Reid (1891)
Leonardo da Vinci (1452)
April
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
Taxing Trivia Trivia
Tax Freedom Day is the day that the money that you earn that particular year, on average, stops going into the government's pocket and starts going into yours.
Tax Freedom Day By Year:
April 13, 2009
April 21, 2008
April 27, 2007
April 26, 2006
April 23, 2005
April 17, 2004
April 16, 2003
April 19, 2002
April 30, 2001
May 3, 2000

The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the tax law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to over 7 million words today.

There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of instructions.  Even the easiest form, the 1040E has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.

The IRS sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions each year.  Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times around the earth.

Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper for all the IRS forms and instructions. The total number of computers thrown out the window, or kicked with a frustrated foot is unknown.

American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United States.

The IRS employs 114,000 people; that's twice as many as the CIA and five times more than the FBI.

60% of taxpayers must hire a professional to get through their own return.

Taxes eat up nearly 40% of the average family's income; that's more than for food, clothing and shelter combined.

April 15th's Jokes:
"To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life."
- Dave Barry
"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." 
-Ronald Reagan
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."
Dying Words ...
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
- Leonardo da Vinci, artist, died in 1519
An IRS Joke:
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefullyand decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."


 
 



 

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