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April
15th Celebrity Birthdays
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Leonardo da Vinci (1452)
I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach
the quality it should have.
- Leonardo da Vinci, artist, died in 1519
Emma Watson (1990)
Seth Rogen (1982)
Roy Clark (1933)
Dave Edmunds (1944)
Samantha Fox (1966)
Michael Kamen (1948)
Linda Perry (1965)
Emma Thompson (1959)
Wallace Reid (1891)
Bessie Smith (1894 - 1937)
Elizabeth Montgomery (1933 - 1995) |
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April
15th's Tax Jokes
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"To you taxpayers out
there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return
on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be
a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people
just like you, except that they can destroy your life."
- Dave Barry
____________________________________
"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal
government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."
-Ronald Reagan
____________________________________
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said,
"Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will
have my remains cremated." "And what," his
friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and
mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope,
"Now, you have everything."
____________________________________
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS
office.
The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with
his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by
saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds
that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says
Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can
bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a
bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that
I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned
auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll
bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side
of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefullyand
decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so
he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his
pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the
stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much
urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned
a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and
puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the
auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This
morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit,
he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here
and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be
happy about it." |
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April
15th's Fun Fact
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Tax Freedom Day is the day
that the money that you earn that particular year, on average,
stops going into the government's pocket and starts going
into yours.
Tax Freedom Day By Year:
April 17, 2012
April 12, 2011
April 9, 2010
April 13, 2009
April 21, 2008
April 27, 2007
April 26, 2006
April 23, 2005
April 17, 2004
April 16, 2003
April 19, 2002
April 30, 2001
May 3, 2000 |
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April
15th's Other True Facts
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The Gettysburg address is
269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words,
and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the tax
law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to over 7 million
words today.
There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many
pages of instructions. Even the easiest form, the 1040E
has 33 pages in instructions, and all in fine print.
The IRS sends out 8 billion pages of forms and instructions
each year. Laid end to end, they would stretch 28 times
around the earth.
Nearly 300,000 trees are cut down yearly to produce the paper
for all the IRS forms and instructions. The total number of
computers thrown out the window, or kicked with a frustrated
foot is unknown.
American taxpayers spend $200 billion and 5.4 billion hours
working to comply with federal taxes each year, more than
it takes to produce every car, truck, and van in the United
States.
The IRS employs 114,000 people; that's twice as many as the
CIA and five times more than the FBI.
60% of taxpayers must hire a professional to get through their
own return.
Taxes eat up nearly 40% of the average family's income; that's
more than for food, clothing and shelter combined. |
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