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Celebrities Born Today: <
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Jessica
Alba (1981)
Lee Falk (1911)
Penélope Cruz (1974)
Saddam Hussei (1937)
Jay Leno (1950)
Ann-Margret 'Olsson' (1941)
James Monroe (1758)
Elisabeth Röhm (1973)
Charles Cotton (1630)
Sara Paxton (1988) |
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| The
Latest Scientific Theories Contest: |
Here are the winning
entries from a recent contest for "new scientific theories."
THE RUNNERS-UP:
4th Runner-Up-- The earth may spin faster on its
axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of
spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body,
the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously
fast.
3rd Runner-Up- Communist China is technologically
underdeveloped because they have no common alphabet. The lack
of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use "acronyms";
thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.
2nd Runner-Up- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious'
Theory: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it all out.
1st Runner-Up- If an infinite number of rednecks
riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite
number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs,
they will eventually produce all the world's great literary
works in Braille.
HONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in
the English language is absolutely constant. If consonants are
omitted in one geographic area, they turn up in another. When
a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the lost
r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl wells."
GRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS
lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands
with the buttered side facing down. Therefore, I propose to
strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the
two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into
eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace pneumatic
tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"
could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with
Chicago. |
| April
28th's Joke on the Streets of the Rich and Famous: |
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days..."
She looked at him and said, "Gosh, I wish I had your
will power."
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| Copyright
Explained .. |
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy
you write, if the copy is right. If however, your copy falls
over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services
you write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you
write.
Very conservative people write right copy, and have the right
to copyright the right copy they write. A right wing cleric
would write right rite, and has the right to copyright the right
rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making
the right rite copy right before the copyright can be right.
Should Jim Wright decide to write right rite, then Wright would
write right rite, which Wright has the right to copyright. Duplicating
that rite would copy Wright right rite, and violate copyright,
which Wright would have the right to right.
Right? |
