Tips for all occasions
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

After a morning at the beach a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.

Not having one, the fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Every day I come done to the water and whistle and these lobsters jump out and I let them spend a couple hours in the water."

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle for the lobsters and show me if those lobsters will come out of the water."

The fisherman says, "What lobsters?"

A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."

A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."