Affirmation

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed. 

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others. 

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment. 

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more. 

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all. 

Joan of Arc heard voices too. 

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. 

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain. 

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying. 

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts. 

I am at one with my duality. 

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears. 

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. 

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so." 

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem. 

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage. 

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents. 

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.