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September
26th Joke and Trivia
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Question: What's the
first letter in "yellow"?
Answer: Y
Response: Because I want to know!
Here are the winning entries from a recent contest for "new
scientific theories."
THE RUNNERS-UP:
4th Runner-Up-- The earth may spin faster on its
axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of
spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body,
the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously
fast.
3rd Runner-Up- Communist China is technologically
underdeveloped because they have no alphabet. The lack of an
alphabet means the Chinese cannot use "acronyms";
thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.
2nd Runner-Up- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious'
Theory: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.
This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it all out.
1st Runner-Up- If an infinite number of rednecks
riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite
number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs,
they will eventually produce all the world's great literary
works in Braille.
HONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in
the English language is absolutely constant. If consonants are
omitted in one geographic area, they turn up in another. When
a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah", the lost
r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh"
his car and invest in "erl wells."
GRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS
lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands
with the buttered side facing down. Therefore, I propose to
strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the
two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into
eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace pneumatic
tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays"
could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with
Chicago.
A friend is someone you
can call to help you move.
A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.
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September 26th Birthdays:
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Serena Williams (1981)
Jack LaLanne (1914)
Shamu (1985)
George Gershwin (1898)
Christina Milian (1981)
Edmund Gwenn (1875)
George Raft (1895) |
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